You know that terror?
Of obliterating your identity in union with another?
Of losing your edge?
Of giving up your freedom?
I noticed today that the terror had left me
It was not simply that I am more myself with you than anywhere else
Myself isn’t what I’m after now
I would merge myself into oblivion and pure presence if that’s what it took to touch your soul with mine
Not because I’m attached to the idea of our souls touching
Or how I imagine that would grow me
But because I am surrendered to what is clearly meant to happen
—
I used to fear heartbreak
And then I learned to embrace it
And then I woke up this morning longing for rupture
Because our hearts are meant to break for each other now
To break barriers to deeper realms
And I don’t know what it’s for, but it feels beyond you and I
A state of grace
Where I’m no longer governed by an arrogance or audacity that would drive me to try and control a natural disaster
With petty constrictions like codependent, addicted, irrational, irresponsible or imprudent
In fact, I would be all of these things with you
In fact, I would prefer it
In fact, they aren’t constrictions when used to unlock sealed places in our hearts
In fact, I know they are the keys to our kingdom